Shepherd's Crossing 2 is the only DS game I have ever heard of that fits what you're looking for (besides Harvest Moon of course). It is a farming game and you can be a female if you choose.
I will suggest Rune Factory 2 as well since there is pretty much nothing else like what you want. But that might not be something you're interested in (I personally love that game). It is a farming game and you can be a girl. But it is also a fighting game and you have to start as a male. You only get to be a female later in the game.
There are very few farming games out there so you have to take what you can get.What are some good Harvest Moon type games for DS?
look up harvest moon ds island of happiness you can be a girl in it i have it and its really funWhat are some good Harvest Moon type games for DS?
haverst moon there is a version that lets you be a girl and i know you said has to be for ds but if you ever get a psp innocent life
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